These are implicit theories of relationships<\/em>. They are called implicit because we don\u2019t talk about them often. The problem is that most of us think<\/em> we fall into the growth theory group. In actual fact, we have a tendency, without knowing, to be in the destiny group.<\/p>\n To test which group you are in, see which of the following statements you agree with.<\/p>\n To see which group you are in, the following numbers are allocated to each group:<\/p>\n \u201cI feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we\u2019re from the same star.\u201d \u2013 Emery Allen<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Destiny theorists believe in finding their soulmate<\/a>.<\/strong> People are either meant for one another or not. They do not entertain the possibility that people can learn and compromise with each other. They want the Hollywood kind of romantic love you see in the movies. You are either \u2018the one\u2019 or you are no one. Destiny theorists will put all their energy and resources into searching for the one.<\/p>\n Their success is actually finding this person. Anything that comes afterward is kind of moot in their eyes. Because they have found their knight in shining armor, or their princess they are sure everything is going to work out.<\/p>\n \u201cTo say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox.\u00a0 People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.\u201d – Criss Jami<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Growth theorists don\u2019t believe in romantic love per se. They understand that every relationship will have problems<\/a>. It is how you approach and deal with these problems that counts.<\/p>\n Growth theorists believe that in order for relationships to survive, people have to change and grow<\/strong>. In fact, studies show that couples who have successfully worked through conflict actually feel better about their relationship.<\/p>\n So what\u2019s really going on here? In a nutshell, destiny theorists think that they have found the ideal partner and therefore all their work is done. There won\u2019t be any problems in the relationship because their soul mate is perfect.<\/p>\n Professor Raymond Knee<\/a> of Houston University studies implicit theories. For example, whether we take an active or passive role<\/em> in our own relationships.<\/p>\n “Belief in destiny was associated with disengaging from the relationship and restraining oneself from maintenance attempts in response to a negative relationship event, whereas belief in growth was associated with endorsement of relationship-maintenance strategies.” Professor Knee<\/p><\/blockquote>\n If you believe that people are meant for each other then any problems that arise early on will be an indication to the destiny believer they are not with the right person. The person they are with is simply not \u2018the one\u2019 and they\u2019ll quickly move, on, trying to find Mr\/Mrs. Right<\/a>.<\/p>\n Destiny theorists tend to be more forgiving of their partners as they believe they are with their soulmate. This can lead to them accepting unacceptable behavior<\/strong>, such as cheating. They will avoid confrontation, especially if they have been with their partner for a long time.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, many people stay in abusive relationships<\/a> but the longer destiny believers are in a relationship who is not right for them the more likely they are to report violence. They give their partner more chances because they think they are meant to be together.<\/p>\n If destiny theorists do break up it never ends well. This is partly because they move on so quickly without a moment\u2019s hesitation. Why waste time looking backward at a person that wasn\u2019t their soulmate? This can lead them to ghost their ex-partner.<\/strong> They want nothing more to do with them.<\/p>\n Yes, believe it or not, Hollywood has a lot to answer for when it comes to how we view relationships. Films where the whole movie focuses on the convoluted way a girl meets her soulmate and that\u2019s the end of the film but we never get to see how they live afterward. That\u2019s not the point for destiny theorists.<\/p>\n The whole point is meeting the one. And there we have the problem. Relationships are not just about finding your perfect match. In fact, there is no such thing as a perfect match<\/a>. And this is what destiny theorists need to understand.<\/p>\n 1. Growth theorists are less likely to have a one-night stand<\/strong>. They believe that relationships progress slowly and don\u2019t feel the need to rush things. They\u2019ll take their time and won\u2019t make instant decisions.<\/p>\n 2. Growth believers accept there will be conflict and challenges in a relationship. However, they understand that by working through these challenges takes effort. Having a disagreement is not a sign of incompatibility. No two people can agree on everything.<\/p>\n 3. Destiny believers give up at the slightest sign of trouble, but growth believers see a negative situation as an opportunity for greater understanding.<\/strong> They know that obstacles and the hard work put in to resolve issues can make love stronger.<\/p>\n 4. Another way growth theorists differ from destiny believers is that they can separate a problem from the personality and the situation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n For example, the girlfriend forgets to buy her partner a birthday gift<\/a>. If the boyfriend is a destiny theorist, he will think she is not the one for him as she should have remembered his birthday because she is his soulmate. However, if he is a growth theorist, he may remember that she had an exhausting night shift the day before and probably didn\u2019t have time to get him anything.<\/p>\n At the end of the day, we all want to believe there is someone special out there, waiting to be found or for us to find them. This kind of romantic love is perpetuated by Hollywood but it distorts what real love is. Real, lasting love takes effort<\/strong> and hard work<\/strong>, as do most things that are worth having in life.<\/p>\n References<\/strong>:<\/p>\n Do you think we all have a soulmate or that people are \u2018meant\u2019 for each other? Research suggests that searching for this kind of romantic love has its downside. Surely there\u2019s nothing wrong with a bit of romance and romantic love in our lives? Well, it all depends on how you view potential partners. Research […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":54094,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","osh_disable_topbar_sticky":"default","osh_disable_header_sticky":"default","osh_sticky_header_style":"default","osh_sticky_header_effect":"","osh_custom_sticky_logo":0,"osh_custom_retina_sticky_logo":0,"osh_custom_sticky_logo_height":0,"osh_background_color":"","osh_links_color":"","osh_links_hover_color":"","osh_links_active_color":"","osh_links_bg_color":"","osh_links_hover_bg_color":"","osh_links_active_bg_color":"","osh_menu_social_links_color":"","osh_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[58,46],"tags":[314,41,18,57,43,144],"class_list":["post-43693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-relationships-and-social-life","tag-behavior","tag-emotions","tag-happiness","tag-life-partner","tag-love","tag-relationships-2","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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Romantic Love – Destiny or Growth?<\/h3>\n
![\"Romantic](\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/Romantic-Love-Destiny-or-Growth.jpg\")
<\/p>\nDestiny Theorists<\/h4>\n
Growth Theorists<\/h4>\n
Reasons Romantic Love Has Downsides<\/h3>\n
![\"Reasons](\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/Reasons-Romantic-Love-has-downsides.jpg\")
<\/p>\nEarly stages of a relationship<\/h4>\n
More forgiving in a relationship<\/h4>\n
Stay in abusive relationships<\/h4>\n
More likely to \u2018ghost\u2019 their partner when it ends<\/h4>\n
Believe in Hollywood fairy tales<\/h4>\n
What destiny theorists can do to improve their relationships?<\/h3>\n
Destiny theorists can look at the way growth theorists approach potential partners and take a page from their playbooks.<\/h5>\n
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