{"id":50587,"date":"2020-06-05T17:58:38","date_gmt":"2020-06-05T14:58:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/?p=50587"},"modified":"2023-09-03T23:07:22","modified_gmt":"2023-09-03T20:07:22","slug":"is-it-emotional-baggage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/is-it-emotional-baggage\/","title":{"rendered":"Is It Emotional Baggage from Past Relationships or a New Abuser?"},"content":{"rendered":"

So many people carry emotional baggage, and it seeps into their next relationship. But what if the next partner really is abusive? In my life, there are many different perspectives.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen things through the eyes of a victim, a villain, and even from a neutral standpoint. I think many of us have. The thing I want to talk about today, however, is differentiating between carrying emotional baggage from a past abusive situation and actually being in another abusive relationship<\/a>. Let me break it down<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Is it really emotional baggage?<\/h2>\n

We all know that past traumatic events or past abuse<\/a> make us carry around emotional baggage. But there are so many people who aren\u2019t aware that abuse sometimes repeats itself in almost exactly the same way<\/strong> after the first relationship ends.<\/p>\n

The trick here is to discern whether you are being mistreated again, or if you just have trust issues from the past<\/a>. The good part is some of us women and men have learned to tell the difference<\/strong> the hard way \u2013 experiencing these things by trial and error. \u00a0I want to share what I\u2019ve learned throughout the years about this topic. Here are a few ways to tell the difference.<\/p>\n

New abuse\/emotional paranoia?<\/h3>\n

1. Twisting<\/h4>\n

First of all, I want to say that victims of trauma in relationships will have trust issues, and they do have tendencies to want proof of loyalty as a comfort<\/strong>. While this may not be the healthiest action, trauma makes us feel that way. But if you are going through the art of \u201ctwisting\u201d, you are being abused once more, and there is little to no compassion for your reassurance.<\/p>\n

Sometimes when we go through things in past relationships<\/a>, we are hurt so deeply that we pay closer attention to our new partner. Where most people aren\u2019t as diligent, we keep our eyes open for red flags<\/a>. When a red flag does appear, we question our partner about the inconsistency.<\/p>\n

If we are being abused again, our partner will twist things to their advantage<\/strong> to stop our questioning, instead of answering honestly and putting our fears to rest. If they twist things, they will have an excuse for what you found out. They will say you don\u2019t trust them and you\u2019re the problem.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if they explain the situation and comfort you, give them a chance. They will probably be patient and reassuring, unlike the guilty party. This is a slight difference.<\/p>\n

2. Gaslighting<\/h4>\n

This term comes from a movie where a man turned down the lights throughout the house, and when his wife asked why the lights were low, he told her she was imagining things. It\u2019s a simple little thought, isn\u2019t it? Well, this act is devastating if someone is really abusing you.<\/p>\n

Gaslighting<\/a> is when your partner tries to make you think you\u2019re crazy and imagining things<\/strong>. You may carry this horrid abuse from a previous relationship and will need to heal. On the other hand, you can also enter into another relationship where your partner tries the same tactic.<\/p>\n

You have to be strong and attentive to catch onto gaslighting. Hopefully,\u00a0 you\u2019ve taken time to heal between relationships, and that means you understand your self-worth, and this will help you see clearly what your partner is doing.<\/p>\n

If you are in another abusive relationship, and she tries to make you feel crazy, call her on what she\u2019s doing<\/strong>. If she\u2019s not gaslighting, but just mistaken about a few things, it should be fairly easy to recognize, just, still, stay vigilant. There are covert abusers who gaslight and hide it effectively<\/a> until your guard is down.<\/p>\n

3. Stonewalling<\/h4>\n

Emotional abuse and baggage sometimes come in the form of stonewalling<\/a>. This means ignoring your partner when you\u2019re angry or not getting what you want. It\u2019s such a common toxic trait<\/strong> that most people think it\u2019s normal. If you want to know whether your new partner is stonewalling you, or just upset and needs time alone, use this formula:<\/p>\n